Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Girls in my life...

"What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories." 
~George Eliot

Today it is with melancholy in my heart that I write this post.  You see, I have just arrived home after driving from Southern CA to my home in Northern CA.  I had to leave behind my lovely 19-year old daughter, my beautiful sister, and my two adorable nieces, 4 of the 5 "girls in my life".

This was one of the most emotional drives home yet, and I've done this trip quite a few times now in the past couple years.  For one, it was the first time I drove home by myself.  Being alone, I gave myself permission to cry, to just let the tears flow for as long as I needed. 

In the wee hours of early morning, I quietly slipped out of my sister's house, after having said my goodbyes to all the girls the night before.  The drive is much more bearable leaving very early, avoiding the traffic that is common on this route.  I like the serenity of driving in the dark too, seeing the sun come up along the way.  There was the most magical full moon this early morning, and I felt like it was there just for me, offering me a guiding light on my journey home, as I felt the overwhelming grief of leaving part of my family that I love so much.  It was bittersweet, as I also felt  the anticipation of returning home to my youngest daughter, who was not able to come along this time due to a busy school and sports schedule.

There is a certain amount of stress in my life right now, and being away for a few days immersed in the job of caring for my nieces and sister (she recently had surgery), and helping to get my daughter settled in to her new apartment, gave me little time to even think about it.  Until now, that I am home and it's time to face the reality of it all.  I needed to be away, from work and from home for a few days. 

These are my nieces, Sahara (top) and India (below).  I forgot my camera on this trip, so had to find pictures from June when we visited last. 

My daughter's on-campus apartment.  A little messy at the moment, but getting there.  I made her a little colorful banner for over her bed. I have more ideas for decorating it...those apartments are do drab!!

Even though at times my daughter drove me crazy being home for a long summer, with her "college-life" schedule and messiness, it was so hard to leave her once again.  She's a good girl, and she gives me little to worry about, but a mother never stops worrying, does she?  Being there for my sister and her girls, when I felt they really needed me, was so important.  I wish I could have stayed longer.  It's so hard living far away, I miss them all the time. 

It's always good to be home, but  a piece of my heart is definitely left with them.  I will be counting down the days until I see them all again.

Happy Thoughts,

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Life and the Pursuit of Happiness...

Happiness is excitement that has found a settling down place. But there is always a little corner that keeps flapping around.
~E.L. Konigsburg

I'm in that crazy place again, where there just isn't enough time in the day and I'm so tired every night.  The beginning of the school year at the school I work out has started with a bang and only slightly slowed down.  As I have mentioned in a previous post, we are down several teachers, so our classrooms are bursting at the seams, and it's taking it's toll on the teachers.

In the office, things seems even busier, I think in these difficult times and with changing demographics, familes are that much more needy.  I feel for them, but the types of issues we are seeing in the office now have little to do with education.  It can be very draining, but I still love my job.  Seeing all the new little kindergartners at the beginning of the year is always heartwarming.

Things at home have been hectic as well.  My youngest daughter decided to start playing tennis this year for her high school.  So, she's now playing tennis and soccer, she's also involved with Student Government, and somehow got on Yearbook a year early.  I am so proud of her, but also a little worried.  I think she might be overextending herself.  She has all these extracurricular activities on top of her heavy load at school being in AP classes.  She's so tired every night, it's hard to see her like that.  I think two sports might be a bit too much for her right now, so I'm looking forward to that easing up.

My oldest daughter turns 19 next week!  19!!! I can't believe it...I will be driving her back to La Jolla to move her in to an on-campus apartment.  It will be a quick trip, as I am trying not to take too much time off work.  It's a bittersweet time, I'm happy to see her start her second year in college, but I will miss her being home too.

Personally, I have been faced with something that is unpleasant, so I am trying to stay postive and keep upbeat.  My ex is trying to end some of the financial support he agreed to when we divorced, so he has taken me to court and now I have the burden of trying to keep the much needed support in place.  I do not have the financial means to hire a lawyer, so I am doing all the paperwork myself.  It's proving to be a very daunting job, but I'm doing my best.  With all the loss and grief in the world, I know this is very trivial, but it is still something I am struggling with.

Various little treats for the kids.

Personalized Candy Bars
I am lucky to have the support of many wonderful friends and family. Without so many people in my life that care about me, I don't know what I'd do.  I also have the love of my two daughters, which no amount of money can ever come close to.  I am sad for my ex-husband that he doesn't see this.

Mini water bottles for thirsty little kids.
Last weekend, I spent the better part of two days making fun little favors for my niece's 6th birthday party, which is tomorrow.  Unfortunately, I can't be there to join the party, but all my little goodies will be.  I can't wait to see pictures of her and her little friends celebrating.  My parents brought everything down this week for her, and my mom will help with putting it all out and making it a special birthday party for her.  I have mentioned before how much I adore my nieces, they are absolutely precious to me.  Crafting is a great way for me to relieve stress, so I truly enjoyed spending my time creating all the goodies I made.

Hoping you can find something that helps with the everyday pressures and stresses of life.

Happy Thoughts,